Britney Spears‘ estranged children are reportedly making peace with their ailing grandfather Jamie Spears, but the international pop star is still in a world of pain over her traumatic childhood and finding it impossible to forgive and forget.

“Britney isn’t going to do anything to stand in the way of her boys seeing her dad, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy for her,” an insider exclusively tells In Touch of the singer, 42, and her sons Sean, 18, and Jayden, 17, with ex Kevin Federline.

For 13 years, the “Oops!…I Did It Again” songstress was locked in a conservatorship at the hands of her 72-year-old father. In her fight for freedom, Britney described it as “abusive” and spoke at length about her struggles in her tell-all memoir, The Woman in Me.

According to the source, “She still has nightmares about the way [Jamie] controlled and basically tortured her and everyone else in the family with his out-of-control temper. She doesn’t know if she will ever recover and has a huge amount of anger towards him.”

In December 2023, Britney’s dad had to have an infected leg amputated and has had serious kidney and colon issues over the years. But, despite his troubling health, Britney still needs to keep a healthy distance.

“Yes, he’s still her flesh and blood — and there are days where she expresses sympathy for him and what he’s going through — but it’s an extremely complicated and painful situation,” the source explains. “She’s sad for him, but it’s not that simple to just forgive and forget the way he destroyed her life.”

In her memoir, Britney also opened up about Jamie’s alleged alcohol abuse, revealing, “Dad drank until he couldn’t think. He disappeared from home for several days at a time. And when he was drunk, he got really mean.”

While Britney has “moments where she thinks about” her father, the In Touch source reveals the “Toxic” singer “is still so hurt.”

The insider adds, “It’s a horrible spot to be in because she’s not a vindictive person, but she does feel she has a right to her anger.”

As for her kids, Sean and Jayden — who have also been estranged from Jamie after he was accused of getting into a 2019 physical altercation with Sean, then 13 — the source says it’s “pretty ironic” they’re ready to reconcile with him and not their own mother.

“Her boys seem to be more eager to reunite with their grandfather, who was so abusive they had to get a restraining order against him, than they are with her,” says the source. “In her view, she never did anything but love them and devote her life to them, so it hurts pretty bad that her dad is somehow more important to them than she is, or at least that’s how it feels.”

Adds the source, “She has made progress with [her sons] — and she’s not taking it for granted — but it’s not nearly as fast as she’d like, so to hear they want to see her dad is something of a kick in the teeth. But she’s not going to make a fuss over it. She’s staying quiet and supporting them in whatever they choose.”