Oh, COME on!

Remember when a seemingly endless stream of Baltimore Orioles fans spent the entire summer complaining about New York Yankees fans complaining about their mobile left field dimensions? Everyone knows that complaining about complaining is the best variety of complaining. Everyone loves to hear it and wishes there was more of it.

Following the 2022 season, the O’s shoved their left field wall back 30 feet and made it unnecessarily gigantic. It was a transparent ploy to both convince mid-tier free agent pitchers to sign with Baltimore and take a chance on leveling up by pitching to the Huge Wall, as well as limit offense from opposing teams that took turns bashing on Baltimore’s mediocre hurlers for two generations.

Only problem was? Well, it limited Baltimore’s offense, too. Unable to pivot midstream and completely revamp their lineup around players who didn’t take aim at left field, established O’s like Ryan Mountcastle struggled.

The other problem, of course, was that “well, uh, we’ll just shove the wall back 30 feet, everyone will love that” was an inelegant solution at best and impressively timid at worst. Nothing says “playing fair” like picking up your wall and moving it when things get too tough.

Of course … the only thing more wussified than moving the wall in the first place is moving it back to normal two years later after being bullied. And wouldn’t you know it? That’s exactly what MLB Executive Burner — sorry, “Mike Elias” — announced on Friday in the middle of an unrelated conference call.

Baltimore Orioles move ridiculous Camden Yards wall back to normal, despite Yankees losing Gleyber Torres

The O’s have admitted defeat. Hilariously so. Now, will the fans that vociferously defended them clam up? Or will they start defending the team’s current position fervently, which is the exact opposite of their old one? Only time will tell!

Just like the short porch at Yankee Stadium, both teams in any Orioles home game are exposed to the park’s dimensions. Both teams can take advantage of the porch, which has been around — untouched — for generations. Both teams are disadvantaged by the stupid Baltimore Wall, which was not a nod to anything. It was an offensive suppression tool, created on the fly as an alternative to “player development” and “fair wages.” It was embarrassing. The Orioles knew it. Everyone but their fans knew it. And now it’s gone.

And what an awful time for Gleyber Torres to reach free agency. He might want to add “Yankees” back into his Instagram bio, based on everything he lost when the wall shifted, and everything he now stands to gain. No one punished the Orioles like 2019 Gleyber Torres, who drilled 13 home runs against a moribund Baltimore club and left announcer Gary Thorne in shambles on many occasions.

Who knows? Maybe Torres might even consider signing a multi-year deal with Baltimore now. You see, hitters will want to go there because the wall isn’t crazy anymore. Happy to help.