Nightmare fuel.

New York Yankees v Baltimore Orioles / Scott Taetsch/GettyImages

The New York Yankees still intend to get to October, holding a decent-sized lead on a playoff spot, even as their grip on the AL East slips away swiftly.

The team’s inability to grab hold of the division reins is thanks, in large part, to the extremely flappable negligence of closer Clay Holmes. Following that mess in Texas, the Yankees have lost eight games they led following the conclusion of the eighth inning; that’s the second-most in baseball. Even winning half of those — not a tough ask! — would’ve left them well clear of the Orioles and stressing a lot less before they recently just started to pull away.

The team is reportedly split on whether or not to deemphasize Holmes moving forward, and are doubtlessly also split on how to do it as they look to cool things down.

After all, Brian Cashman’s deadline was especially egregious this summer, and the in-house replacement options are also underwhelming.

As the Yankees scramble to figure things out on the fly, at least they can turn the page on the team’s official calendar to October and regroup, a month they’ve historically dominated and one which can serve as an inspiring bluepri — OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT?

Yankees chose Clay Holmes for October spot on official calendar because they hate you

Hopefully, this represents the only time Yankee fans see Holmes in October in a prominent role. That’ll never happen, though. He’ll be trotted out, wearing a turtleneck, breathing visible breath with the Yankees locked in a tight battle with an AL Central foe or the emerging Orioles. Whichever team is about to embark on a comeback attempt will be galvanized by Holmes’ presence, spitting on his loopy breaking balls and squaring up the sinkers that inevitably leak directly into the bat path — after all, there’s a reason batters are hitting .336 off the sinker in 2024. .336!! WHAT?!

Holmes, since being removed from the closer role, has been brought in to handle a few high-leverage situations, and has somehow blown two more saves in a week’s span. They really need to figure out hiw issues, and fast.

That inefficiency doesn’t play in the humid summer or the icy autumn, and if the Yankees don’t find a way to restore their grip on sanity soon, they’ll be left to lick their wounds in November. We assume the Yankees calendar used a celebrating Luis Gonzalez for that month, given it appears to have been crafted by the devil.